The Wheel of Destiny

Prior to leaving Madison, Mike Schmidt and I were interested in starting a variety show/open mic either titled "Digital Underground Sex Packets Gut Fest '89" or "Hoopla"; I think "Hoopla" works better on a bill. Here are some random ideas culled from that session. Most of these categories were on the "Wheel of Destiny". Basically, you spin the wheel and accept your fate. The more detestable things happened to the resident comics.

"Guess Who Is Naked"
An audience member comes on stage and has to guess who is naked underneath a blanket being held up.

"Everybody Hug!"
The host brings everyone together in an embrace.

"I Want To Cut Myself with Sylvia Plath"
The entertaining aspects of this one have been lost in the ether.

"Cat Food or Vegan Cuisuine"
One of the resident comics is fed some form of pâté and must figure out what it is.

"Norwegian Joke of the Week"
An audience member is stuck reading three Norwegian jokes from an Ole and Lena book.

"Everyone Chants Your Name"
Instant fame.

"Let's Make an Excuse!"
We paint an audience member's face with a bruise or a severe looking cut so they have an awesome story to bring to work the next day.

"Convert A Sinner"
Pull over a person from the gay bar next door and have them kiss a member of the opposite gender; free drink.

"iPod Dance-offs"
A random song plays and you dance for fabulous prizes and free drinks.

"We Both Know What A Stripper Feels Like And We Should Share"
This will remain Mike's idea.

"Magician's Assistant"
Mike puts Chris Waelti in a bag and proceeds to pour in terrible things (rocks, grape Jell-o, two pounds of Carp). Towards the end of the jerkiness a perfunctory magic trick, completely unrelated to what was poured in the bag, is performed. Waelti continues accession.